Whom the Gods love
by stilljustme
Summary: Written for the CCOAC Flower Challenge. It's my first try at such a challenge, so I'm grateful for any kind of critics. The story's short, and it's about Reid visiting Emily, and Emily visiting Reid, and the heaven and hell that lies between.


"Hyacinths belong to the family Asparagaceae, subfamily Scilloideae. They come from south Turkey, Israel, Iran… desert countries. The name, though, comes from the old Greeks. There's a myth told by Homer – so they say, of course, in fact Homer hasn't written anything, his followers wrote it – and this myth, actually, is…"  
"…about a boy who was the god Apollo's lover. Some say he was a prince, some say he was the son of the muse Clio", Emily interrupted, a triumphant smile on her face. "And the other god in love with him… wait, wait! I know it…"  
Reid stayed politely silent, but there was a mischievous glint in his eyes that made it clear Emily had lost.  
She tried to stay earnest, but Reid's smile was just too fascinating. And she didn't want it to stop. Ten months were more than long enough to see him smile.  
It wasn't a romantic thing, nothing like whatever Hyacinth and Apollo had – or…

"Zephyr!" Emily cried enthusiastically, and Reid's smile grew wider. She had missed it so much. "Zephyr", she said again, "he, too, was in love with Hyacinth. So it's not clear whether it was a murder or an accident that made that discus hit the poor boy and killed him. And out of his blood grew a flower, and this flower is a part of the family of the Asparagae. Am I right?"  
"Almost." Reid opened his bag and carefully put a purple hyacinth out of it.  
"The name of the family is Asparag_aceae, _and what you should know also is that the bulbs contain oxalic acid. So you better don't touch them directly."  
Reid's smile was his very awkward, very sweet one again. "I hope you like it."

Emily took the plant, sniffed and closed her eyes, smiling. Wild, sweet, intense. For a long time she had connected these attributes with Derek. She missed him, too, but it was different.

"Thank you, Reid", she whispered, and then she put the plant aside and hugged the genius tightly. Reid was obviously surprised, but after a second of hesitation Emily felt his arms around her closing in.  
Honesty, that was what she missed the most here. Reid was the only person who had never lied to her. And he was the only one she trusted completely.

The rain had just stopped. As Emily made her way through the high wet grass she felt the sun on her back – trying to warm her? What the hell? Her feet were soaked when she reached the stone. She should have been here yesterday instead, it was too late now, but – yesterday she just hadn't found the courage. How could she possibly stand in a line with her former team when all this time she hadn't noticed… four days. He'd been with her for four days and she hadn't noticed anything.

"I'm bringing you back your hyacinth, Reid." Carefully, Emily placed the pot she was carrying in front of the grave. It looked awful.  
"Okay, fine, you're right. This is not your hyacinth. I killed that one shortly after you left. Maybe at the same moment that you…" Her words faded into the silence of the trees around. Who'd have thought there would be a place so quiet and calm in the middle of Las Vegas?  
Because that was where she was right now, kneeling in the mud in front of a granite stone underneath which was – nothing.

Reid had wanted his corpse to be used for medical exploration, of course. He had very exact plans of what to with certain parts of his body, including of course his brain. The reason he was so brilliant and famous and awkward at the same time.  
The reason he had killed himself five days ago.

"You know what? I hate the story of Hyacinth anyway." Talking was good, it helped keeping the tears down. Just keep talking, don't think, don't think about thinking or brain or intelligence or schizophrenia… too late.  
Emily bit her lips not to cry out. It hurt so much. Dr. Spencer Reid had injected himself with oxygen – a perfect way to keep the organs undamaged, as the coroner had said. What he hadn't said was that it was a very painful way to die, but he hadn't needed to say it, anyway. Reid's face was a mask of terror and pain as she first saw him.

"You were very afraid, weren't you?" As the tears started to fall, softly, Emily's voice got softer, too. Gently she touched the stone. " And you were alone." She sighed. "And now we're alone, too. You left us. You left us all, you son of a bitch!" The softness was gone. She started hitting the stone, almost enjoying the pain in her knuckles. She was live. Yes, she was alive and Reid wasn't anymore, he had killed himself because he had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and though he hated the thought of being like his mother, he wanted to be buried right beside her, fine, that was the logic of a genius, a genius they didn't have anymore and… As blood dripped onto the stone, Emily stopped. Quickly she wiped the fluid away. "Sorry." She took a deep breath.

The bad thing was, a part of her understood Reid. If she had been as brilliant as he was – a genius – and then be declared multi-personal – Emily wasn't sure if she wouldn't do the same thing. Well, she would eat her gun to make it easier and quicker, that yes.

"This world wasn't enough for you, was it?" Another question she had never dared to ask. "We love you and I hope you knew that. But it wasn't enough to keep you fighting against it. Especially since…" She stopped again. Even now it was hard to talk about Maeve. Because she knew how much her death had devastated Reid, and because she felt a little jealous.

"I just hope you've found her already." She didn't even know if Reid believed in a higher power. She didn't know anything at all about him, or so it felt. Alls she knew was that he had brought her a hyacinth when they had met last time – for the last time. A trip to London that would never bring him back to the BAU.

Slowly, Emily dug a hole into the muddy ground in front of the granite, pulled out the hyacinth (leaving a lot of roots and soil in the pot) and put it into the hole. "I just hope this thing loves water", she murmured. Then her eyes fell onto the stone again.

"Spencer Eliot Reid, 1982 – 2013" it read, nothing else. Just down, right above the grass line, was a rose engraved into the stone. Emily retraced the lines. Roses didn't seem right for Reid.

Death didn't seem right for Reid.

Her cell rang. Emily picked up. "I hope for you that it's important."  
"It is, Em." Easter wasn't the least irritated by her voice. "Your flight's due in an hour. There's work to do. Or you could just tell me what you're up to and I can get you some days off. Maybe."  
"I'll be there." She quickly hang up before the GPS-signal could be followed.  
It wasn't that she didn't trust her new boss – she wouldn't have taken the offering if she didn't. It was just…

"Reid, you were the last reason for me to see this country as my home", she whispered, new tears welling up in her eyes. "Why did you do that? Why did you leave us, do you really think we'll get over you?"  
But she didn't need an answer for this one, she already knew it: The answer was yes.

Yes, Reid believed that the team would go on like that, he believed that he was the weakest link in the team. And they had failed to convince him how much he was the true heart.

"I couldn't see them, you know" Emily murmured as she got up and wiped the mud off her hands, "I couldn't look into their eyes to see the same regret and questions that I have. You leave the best FBI-agents helpless like children, and you didn't even know it." She tried to hold back the questions, but they were too much, too pressing, too much keeping her awake at night:

"Why didn't you tell anybody? Why didn't you go to this psychologist earlier? Why didn't you at least try the medications your mother uses?  
Why did you leave us? Why and how are we supposed to live without you?"  
Because there was a difference. There was a difference between not seeing Reid and not having Reid. Emily had lost her faith years ago. She would never see her best friend again. She would never trust anybody as absolute as she had trusted Reid. She would never find a better man.

"I gotta go", she whispered, "I gotta go and I won't come back. Neither will you." The tears ran freely down her face now. She blew the stone a kiss – senseless gesture as it was – and slowly walked back.

Just as the grave got out of sight, Emily turned around again.

"And damn it, Reid, why hyacinths?"


End file.
